Archives: Sacred Cows

Here is a novel that will really get the juices flowing for any fans of fantasy out there. This novel has a bit of a pedigree and the discerning reader should note that this does not mean it's a bit of a dog. The Lord of the Rings has a debt to pay to other fantasy novels. National Budget deficits spring readily to mind when I think of that debt, but it does have some features that set it apart from the run of the mill fantasy novel. It is quite good for a start. Well-written, thoughtful. But for all that it is still a fantasy novel and therefore should be avoided by all those with a decent grounding in reality and a knowledge of the truth about fairies, pixies and the like.

Mr. Tolkien seems to have read and taken on board my little guide to writing fantasy (Aurealis #11). The book comes in three parts, always a sign of quality fantasy writing. There is a good council, bent on maintaining all that is decent. There are various bad guys and things called Hobbits that sound like a cross between the little guy on Fantasy Island and a rabbit. Mr. Tolkien did lose some marks here. What's wrong with good old shepherds or lowly-but-virtuous kitchen hands?

A few more points were lost with the naming of characters. The chief evil guy does not have a name starting with Z. He is called Sauron, which is sort of okay, but why not Zauron? It just looks more evil.

The plot is threadbare (but then it is fantasy) and involves a bunch of Hobbits (Frodo and Bilbo Baggins — good names, Tolk!) finding and then trying to destroy a ring. What is it about fantasy writers and rings? Some sort of anal fixation? This special, magic mysterious ring allows the wearer to become invisible. Yeah, I know. Pretty intriguing concept isn't it. Anyway, they are helped in their quest by Gandalf the wizard, who is adept at fireworks. If you want a decent Catherine wheel, he's your man. Gandalf joins the halfwits — sorry halflings — on their perilous journey to the Crack of Doom, which is like a Warner Bros Movie World theme ride for manic depressives. They are accompanied by an irritating elf, a dwarf who was rejected for the part of Grumpy (over qualified), some more Hobbits, who, despite the absence of female Hobbits, seem to breed like rabbits, a glorified Park Ranger who turns out to be a king of some place, and a man, and, oh, another Hobbit.

There are sundry other stock fantasy characters, talking trees and orcs. Orcs are just goblins with attitude. The tokens that get collected by the fellowship, and there are always tokens to be collected in fantasy novels, include, apart from the magic ring, magic wood, magic crystal balls and a magic sword that was once broken but is now repaired and it can be used to kill people by pointing it at them and then stabbing them. Not very magic, really, when you think about it. There is also some magic dirt, and when you plant seeds in it they grow. I think Tolkien's got a bit of work to do on his icons. There has been some talk around around the fantasy traps (you know the sort of places I mean, wholistic coffee shops with stone ground coffee and free range honey cakes) that Tolkien has ripped off a few ideas from Stephen Donaldson. Where Dono has woodhelvin, Tolks has elves. Stonedowners versus dwarfs, Giants and ents. There is possibly some truth in this but ... really. It is only fantasy. There is one aspect where Tolkien could take a leaf out of Donaldson's book, and some would argue that he's taken the twig, branch, trunk and roots anyway, and this is the area of sex. There isn't a scrap of it in The Lord of the Rings.

There is not an awful lot more I can say about the Ring Trilogy, as it is bound to be called. It has nice castles, some good countryside scenes, lots of maps so all those map fans won't be disappointed. All in all it's a fairly good book. I just can't see it setting the world on fire sales wise. Maybe with the second trilogy in the series. There is bound to be one.